Inverse Outcome & the Definition of Insanity

Virtually everything we do today requires less effort and less time than it did when our parents were our age. And yet we are more stressed, less contented and have less time to ourselves than virtually any previous generation in recorded history. Here’s what the Dali Lama has to say:

"It is fascinating. In the West, you have bigger homes, yet smaller families; you have endless conveniences -- yet you never seem to have any time. You can travel anywhere in the world, yet you don't bother to cross the road to meet your neighbours. I don't think people have become more selfish, but their lives have become easier and that has spoilt them. They have less resilience, they expect more, they constantly compare themselves to others and they have too much choice -- which brings no real freedom."

Wow. the more choice we have, the less free we are. That's profound. And the easier life gets, the more unsatisfied and discontented we become. Know why? It’s because of a little thing called Inverse Outcome™. (Patent pending).

“Inverse Outcome” is when you do something and get a result that is the exact opposite than what you expected. A result that seems to defy all logic and reason.

“Inverse Outcome” is when people rise from starvation and poverty to create the most well fed societies in the history of mankind, with food stores and fast food outlets on every corner, and new medical disorders pop up called bulimia and anorexia.

“Inverse Outcome” is when you spend 17 years teaching your children your values and morals and then they go to University, are promptly brainwashed, and return as rabid, anti-American, socialist/feminist nutbars. And oh yeah - you are the one paying for University.

“Inverse Outcome” is when we outlaw private health care and create a wonderful “free” public healthcare system that gives poor people the same access to medical care as middle class and rich people. Then we watch incredulously as poor and middle class people with no family doctor wait months for critical treatment and lay on stretchers in jam packed hospital corridors - while the rich go to other countries for immediate, state-of-the art treatment.

“Inverse Outcome” is when you register and ban guns, and gun crime actually goes up.

“Inverse Outcome” is when you elect a Conservative, Republican President and he then turns around and allows your nation to be overrun by illegal Mexican invaders (oops, I mean immigrants.)

“Inverse Outcome” is when people rise from illiteracy and poverty to create the most successful, prosperous, comfortable societies in the history of mankind and then develop all these mental disorders relating to stress, depression and anxiety.

“Inverse Outcome” is when you sacrifice throughout life to save for retirement and then find that people who pissed their money away are as well off as you because they get full government pensions while yours is reduced dollar for dollar for any payment you receive from your savings.

“Inverse Outcome” is when you vote for politicians expecting them to keep their promises. OK, that’s not really “Inverse Outcome”. It’s more like “Inverse Intelligence”.

“Inverse Outcome” is when you are a teenage girl and buy into the state influenced idea of radical feminism and sexual equality and then find yourself as a single mother with no idea how to provide for your child.

“Inverse Outcome” is when you form very powerful unions in the three most important companies in North America for the purpose of helping employees; and then make such excessive demands that foreign, non-union (car) companies take all your business away, and you lose your job.

“Inverse Outcome” is when people rise from the subserviance of monarchies and colonial landlords to create the most free democratic societies in the history of mankind, and then allow their government to regulate them so severely that permits have to be obtained to cut a limb off a backyard tree or for kids to sell Lemonaide on their front lawn.

“Inverse Outcome” is when you have an abortion with the expectation that it will not stay in your head for the rest of your life. But it does.

"Inverse Outcome” is when you have children with the expectation that they will care for you when you get old and then, when you get old, discover that they don’t give a sh!t about you.

“Inverse Outcome” is when you have an accidental child that you initially regret and she/he turns out to be the one thing that enriches your soul the most.

Yep. It’s the pathology of “Inverse Outcome”. Sort of like Einstein’s definition of Insanity: “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results”. Both are great examples of how far we have to go before we even begin to understand our selves, our world, and the others that share this world with us.

Lets Let 'Em Stew

I do not support the war in Iraq. We should be allowing these faulty societies to stew in their own crapulence. It is not our place to invade and rescue them. Iraq was an autonomous nation with its own borders and culture. It was no different than North Korea or China in its rejection of human rights and freedoms. George Jr did his dad a favour . It’s as simple as that. Saddam is now imprisoned and the Bushes are loving it. Saddam was, previously, the leader of a nation. Not the leader we would prefer, but a leader none the less. Who are we to decide who should be the leader of a foreign nation? And why did we single out Saddam among so many undesirable leaders? Maybe because we could? And because it accomplished certain, as yet, undisclosed political objectives?

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about our role in the world and have concluded that we should cut the middle east loose. Let them deal with their own problems. (Except for nuclear issues. In that case we need to act immediately and punitively.) They will not gain freedom by having it imposed on them by us. They need to do it on their own. Either they, as a people, can summon the strength, or they cannot. Nothing we can do will help them. They need to help themselves, just like we did here in North America.

It’s a common theme among conservatives that individuals should help themselves, rather than look to government to help them. Why then do we abandon this simple truth when it comes to the middle east? Why do we trust our government to go there and force our way of life upon people when we would not tolerate this approach in our nation? Is government not a thing to be distrusted?

Look, the question is simple - either we trust government or we do not.

Personally, I do not. In fact the only entities I trust less than corporations are governments. Or maybe it’s the other way ‘round.. Whatever the case, here we are. We are trusting our government to seize control of a foreign nation and give them a way of life that they very well are not ready for or want.

It’s pretty easy for us, here in our world of secular, commercial, consumeristic plenty, to make value judgements about other nations. We are pretty smug in our understanding that all others must want the same thing that we have. Well, maybe they don’t. Maybe they really are different from us. Maybe Islam really is what they want.

Sure, when they come here, they should live by our rules. But to impose our rules halfway across the globe in nations that know nothing about our values – well, there’s a word for that, and it’s colonialism.

Let me be clear. I do not respect Islam or the societies it dominates. Islam has a lot of work to do before it becomes worthy of my respect. But I do not presume to have the right to force my values on them when they are half way across the world living in a culture that is so different from ours that we could never hope to understand it.

That’s OK though. Because a culture that unleashes such monsters among us, does not deserve our understanding. Rather, it deservers our unrelenting attention and criticism.

WAHCMB Anonymous

Bob: “Hello everyone, my name is Bob and I am a White Anglo Hetero Christian Male Breeder….*sob*”

Group: “Hello Bob”

Group Leader: “Welcome to White Anglo Hetero Christian Male Breeders Anonymous ©. You are among friends here. We all share your pain. We understand the tremendous shame and guilt you must be feeling. We are here to help.”

Bob: “*Sob*..... th..th..thank you. Thank you....*sniff*. I...I’m at the end of my rope. I hate myself. I hate everything about me. I...I hate being a White Anglo Hetero Christian Male Breeder. It makes me feel....dirty inside. Oh God....tell me....will I ever be able to look at myself in the mirror again? Will the disgrace and humiliation I feel ever go away? Why did I have to be born this way? Why? Why?”

Group Leader: (Putting a hairless arm around Bob’s shoulder) “There, there now, it’s going to be all right. We are going to put your demons to rest. You are not the only White Anglo Hetero Christian Male Breeder in the world who hates himself. There are millions in North America alone who want to dye their skin brown, cut their willies off and convert to Islam. Of course most of these are Democrats and Liberals, but that’s a subject for another day. Today, we need to concentrate on you. Here, why not just sit down and tell us what’s going through your mind.”

Bob: “It’s the, the utter hatred I feel for myself and all other White Anglo Hetero Christian Male Breeders in the world. Take this wretched whiteness for example. What is that exactly? White is the absence of color. It’s like I have no color at all. Like I’m a non-entity. Meaningless. Without worth. And then there’s the crimes against humanity perpetrated by my white, colorless ancestors. Slavery, theft of resourses from the colonies and land from the North American Natives. This cursed white skin. It carries with it a horrific legacy of suffering and death. I hate my skin. I hate it. I hate it. I wish all white people were dead.....*sniff*”

Group Leader: “Is that all you hate?”

Bob: “No, I hate being an Anglophone even more than being white. I cringe at the thought of my ancestors killing all those fine French soldiers on the Plains of Abraham to win control of Canada. French is such a pleasant language to listen to. I’d rather hear someone say “Boeuf Bourguignon” than “Baloney” any day. And the colonies – all those colonies, captured and pillaged by English men just like me. So much evil done in the name of expanding English culture around the world. And now look at what’s happened....English is the main language of commerce and business all over the world. People love English language movies and literature. It has spread like a cancer. A cancer I tell you. It’s so oppressive. So stifling. I want to tear out my tongue I am so ashamed. Thank heavens the Arabs are taking over England. They can’t destroy that poisonous Anglo culture fast enough for my liking.”

“And then there’s my heterosexuality. It hangs over my head like a dark cloud. I just can’t help it. I like females. I’ve tried to like men, I even kissed one once, but it made me gag - and I was only 5 years old kissing my grandfather on his birthday. Look at me, I’m not even that concerned about AIDS. If I was gay I would be obsessed with it. Why must I be so heartless and uncaring? If I was gay I bet I’d have a lot more compassion and empathy. I’d also be a lot more popular at parties and better at interior decorating.”

Group Leader: “*Gasp*….I didn’t think it was possible, in this day and age, for anyone not to love gay men. After all – look at how many gay characters there are in positive roles on television, movies and magazines. They are everywhere in the media. My god man, haven’t you ever seen “Will and Grace”? Gay men are fabulous.”

Bob: “What about gay Christian men? Are they fabulous?”

Group leader: “There’s no such thing. In fact, some experts doubt that Christians are human at all, let alone gay.”

Bob: “I knew it. I was brought up in the Christian Church. It’s where I was brainwashed into believing all these outdated things – like fidelity, duty, honor and shame. I still feel shame sometimes - even though I know that no one should ever feel shame about anything, not ever. In fact, I’m ashamed that I am able to feel shame. I know that there is no right or wrong except what we decide for ourselves is right or wrong. And I know that we must never ever judge anyone else for any reason whatsoever. After all, we are merely accidental life forms descended from apes. And the apes were descended from the same stuff as dandelions and lobsters. There is no God and no rules worth following, except the rules we make up for ourselves.”

No, wait a minute....maybe there is no God – no Christ – but I’m sure there is an Allah. Rosie O’Donnell says so. Hey, maybe I could convert to Islam - that would be just as good as believing in nothing. All the feminists and left wing secularists love Islam. They are always standing up for it against America and Israel. My wife could wear a burka. I could pick my daughters' husbands. Maybe I could convince the CBC to air a few beheadings from Iran every Sunday. Arrrrrgh....what am I saying?....I can’t.....I just can’t quit Christianity. I’m hooked. It’s like an addiction. All those damn lessons I learned in Sunday school as a child keep reverberating in my head. Oh God, Group Leader, please help me quiet the voices. What a freak I am.....such a freak.”

Group Leader: “Shhhhhh. It’s going to be alright, Bob. Now, what about the male part of you? Doesn’t it make you feel sick inside to be a male?.....Tell us about that.”

Bob: “All I can think about is how men have killed and waged war against each other throughout history. Never mind that virtually all paintings, prose and poetry of any historical value was created by males - and never mind that males have invented practically everything that is useful in the world including virtually all structures, machines, transportation devices, electronics and medical procedures. That doesn’t matter. Men are evil. They kill and rape and steal. Even now they are oppressing women here in the western world - well, except for all the millions of successful female business people, professionals, teachers, professors, politicians, doctors, lawyers, judges and media personalities. But they are the exceptions. Aren't they?

“Men drink beer, fart and tell sexist jokes. They actually fight each other sometimes when they get drunk or mad. It’s so inhuman.....so unfemalelike. I hate my manhood. I’d cut it off except I might see the light some day and convert to homosexuality. And when that glorious day comes - when I finally become something other than an evil heterosexual male - I wouldn’t want my willie sitting on the shelf in a pickle jar. After all, I’ll need it to participate in hundreds of meaningless, anonymous sexual encounters just like many gay men do. For now, though, I’ll just have to put on a brave face and try and forget that I’m a wretched heterosexual. Maybe I’ll just become an alcoholic and stay drunk all the time. I have to do something to help me forget my terrible lot in life.”

Group Leader: “There, there. We’re almost finished. What about that last part - *shudder* - I, I can’t even say the word. Forgive me. Can you say it for me?......”

Bob: “You mean.....Breeder?”

Group Leader: *Cringe* “Yes. Can you tell us about that terrible part of yourself?”

Bob “Oh God....I never intended to breed. You’ve got to believe me. It was all just a big accident. I met a girl, I fell in love, we got married and we had children. Just telling you about it makes me feel so primitive.....so unenightened. My wife never even considered having an abortion. How messed up is that? It’s like she actually wanted her life complicated by children rather than spend 110% of her energy on a career and other personal pursuits. And I went along with it. My God, I have never even fathered any children out of wedlock. I almost cry when I think of all the missed opportunities – all the interpersonal complications, tensions and emotional turmoil - that I missed out on. It would have added so much depth to my character to father a few kids without staying with their mother. It must be that damned religion thing coming back to haunt me again. That sense of duty, honor and fidelity. Will I ever be free of its wretched soul-sucking grasp.”

Group Leader: “We have made great progress this afternoon, Bob. I think we’ll stop here and spend the coming week thinking about what you said. We’ll meet here same time next week. If all goes well, we’ll make a few appointments for you over the next few months – maybe add some pigment to your white skin, enroll you in French language lessons, set you up with a nice gay man your age and talk to a wonderful Imam I know about converting you to Islam – things like that. Just don’t tell the Imam about the gay stuff, OK? It’s better that way. Trust me”

“In fact…” (looks around to make sure everyone else is gone, leans forward and whispers in Bob's ear)....”the government has a special program you might be interested in - but we have to keep it on the hush hush. It’s called the “One Less White Anglo Hetero Christian Male Breeder At A Time” Program or “OLWAHCMBAAT” for short. Under this program, the government will relocate you and give you a job for life providing you undergo all the alterations I mentioned and promise to never see your offspring or spouse again. It’s a great program – run by the national NDP Women’s coalition, as if you couldn’t guess. And they’ll also....(glances down between Bob’s legs)....arrange to have that ugly male-thing removed permantly, if you want”

Bob: “Oh thank you. I can’t wait to get started” (smiles disarmingly and reaches into jacket pocket) “Just kidding.” (Pulls out a 357 Magnum and blows the Group Leader’s head clean off. Then, checks Blackberry.) “Hmmmmm.....lets see .....next appointment......4:00 PM......OLWAHCMBAAT Program Headquarters.....125 Main Street”

(Walks out to street)....."Taxiiiii"........

The Main Differences Between Women And Men

1. Women communicate by talking; Men communicate by pretending to listen.
2. Men get a spare tire; Women get a bigger trunk.
3. Women hate sexism; Men can’t bring themselves to hate anything that contains the word “sex” .
4. Women paint their nails; Men paint and nail stuff.
5. Men only want one thing; Women want everything else.
6. Men have balls; Women bust them.
7. Women have children; Men can’t bear them.
8. Women pat dry; men rub.
9. Women grow old; Men grow more careful about mentioning it.
10. Women get jobs traditionally held by men; Men get jobs traditionally held by men.
11. Women enjoy having a nice home with attractive décor; Men could live in a stable if there was TV football and beer.
12. Women love to shop all day; men would rather tear off their left nut and eat it raw.
13. Women can wear their blouses with two buttons undone at the office; Men can get away with this only if their name is Gino and they wear lots of gold chains.
14. Women wear high heels; Men get high and act like heels.
15. Men have a hard time expressing their emotions; Women have a hard time shutting up about theirs.
16. Women give sex to get romance; Men give romance to get sex.
17. Women ask “do I look fat in this?” Men never ever lie in response, honest.
18. Women fake orgasms; Men pretend to believe them.
19. Men think about sex once every three minutes; Women get headaches.
20. Women stab in back; men punch in face.
21. Men can pee standing up; Women are somewhat limited in this respect.
22. Women like a man to look deep in their eyes; Men look over their shoulders at a woman’s ass.
23. Men have one of these; women have one of those and with one of those they can get as many of these as they want.